Recently, I facilitated a session with a group of nannies at a training academy. I’ve led many of these over the years, and each time, I begin with the same goal:
To help them see just how crucial, influential, and dignified their role truly is.
So I asked a simple but telling question:
“How many hours a day are children typically in your care?”
The answers ranged from 12 to 24 hours.
That’s not just time, it’s territory.
Territory where emotional patterns are being formed, identity is quietly shaped, and habits are built in the ordinary, unfiltered moments of childhood.
Nannies are there when a child wakes up groggy and vulnerable.
When they return from school, overwhelmed or overstimulated.
When tantrums erupt. When fear creeps in. When joy needs to be mirrored.
When sleep settles in and the day comes full circle.
These are not small moments.
They are the daily spaces where emotional regulation, safety, and character are quietly rehearsed and they are being held, shaped, and stewarded by the nanny
Yet in many homes, the nanny is still treated as “just help.”
No context. No coaching. No clarity on how they fit into the broader parenting vision.
One nanny told me about a child in her care who verbally and physically abused her. When she reported it, the parents did nothing. Another asked, sincerely, “How do I manage the constant emotional outbursts and tantrums when I feel powerless to respond?”
These are not fringe cases. They reflect a larger reality:
🛑 Many homes have a support system, but no strategy.
🛑 Many parents have values, but no structures to uphold them consistently.
🛑 Many nannies are in charge, but not empowered.
As a Parenting Strategist who works with executive families, I see this gap often.
Parents are managing multi-million-dollar portfolios, leading complex organizations, and building impressive legacies—yet approaching their parenting support system with assumption, not intention.
And here’s what I always say:
✅ Your nanny is not outside your parenting system. They are part of it.
✅ Emotional development is not a soft skill. It’s a survival skill.
✅ If your nanny is spending 60–80% of the emotional day with your child, and they’re not aligned with your values, trained in emotional literacy, or coached through conflict, you’re not parenting strategically. You’re parenting reactively.
This is where tools like The Parenting Compass™ become essential.
It’s not just a framework, it’s a navigation tool that helps parents:
- Understand what stage of parenting they’re in
- Clarify the level of involvement and guidance required
- Make intentional decisions about who they empower, how they delegate, and what kind of support systems they need to thrive
Because parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
And effective parenting—especially at the executive level—requires design, not default.
So here’s the challenge to parents:
If you’re building a home where values matter, where children are raised to be emotionally intelligent and future-ready, you must also build a support system that is aligned, trained, and respected.
And if your nanny is navigating emotional breakdowns, sibling fights, screen time battles, or adolescent resistance with no tools or support, something is broken.
Coaching is not a luxury for nannies. It is essential.
And that responsibility does not rest on their shoulders alone.
At ADF Consulting and The Executive Parent Ally (TEPA), we are committed to building family systems that work. not just for parents, but for the children and the caregivers within them.
We believe nannies are not placeholders.
They are co-regulators. Role models. Safe spaces.
And when trained, respected, and supported, they become some of the most powerful allies in raising whole, grounded children.
That’s why we are actively exploring partnerships with The Nanny Academy and other training institutions across the country.
We want to embed:
- Emotional development coaching tools
- Modules from The Parenting Compass™
- Structured systems for feedback, reflection, and ongoing skill-building
- Resources to support both nannies and the parents they work with
Because when we invest in nannies, we invest in children.
When we coach caregivers, we protect emotional ecosystems.
And when we structure parenting systems with intention, we change outcomes at scale.
Let’s be clear:
Nannies are not background support.
They are present in the hours that matter most.
They see the things parents miss. They hold the tension. They steady the rhythm.
It’s time we see them.
It’s time we built with them.
It’s time we raised children and standards together.